my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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