Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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