i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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