I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
