I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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