Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
