just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
