I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
