haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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