I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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