He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
