apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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