All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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