You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize