My Higher Power is John Stamos
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
