I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
