im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
