i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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