She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
