I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
