So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
