so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
