So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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