Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Who died my cat blue again?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
