$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
