think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
