Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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