I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
