You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
