wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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