Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
