Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
