Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
