Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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