Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
