her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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