how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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