Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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