I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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