Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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