I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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