this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
