Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
