People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize