i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
