Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
