I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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