I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
