You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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