I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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