Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
