remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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