So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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