I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
