Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
