i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize