So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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