She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
