Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
