Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
