I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
