if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dicks are not precious.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
