so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize