I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
