Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
NoShamevember. You game?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
