I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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