people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
