'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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