Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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