you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Randomize
