Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
