if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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